04 September 2006

Crikey--Steve Irwin is DEAD MAN

If you haven't heard Steven Irwin has died after being stabbed in the heart by a stingray.  Apparently he pissed it off and the animal stuck its barb tail right through his heart.  Tragic, especially considering that he had a wife, two kids, and a sucessful conservation program...R.I.P Steve......

I can't believe this dude died from a stingray stabbing.  I mean he handled 20 foot crocs, alligators, tiger sharks, and the most poisonous snakes and lizards walking the planet.  I'm upset now because its not cool to pretend that I'm him with a gawd awful Australian accent......aggggghhhhhhh

But in his memory, everybody tell somebody you love "Crikey" today!!!!!!!!

02 September 2006

Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My

Do any of yous (spelled wrong on purpose spell-checkers) know much about these dogs (pictured below) or have any personal experience dealing with them????? I've been doing some research and basically came to the conclusion that Chows are dogs with cat personalities. They pretty much do what they want and don't socialize with other people that well. Basically me, but born into a dogs body. Thinking about buying one of these vicious beasts to roam my domain and stand guard. The only reason I've set my eyes on a CHOW because it looks like a lion and I totally don't feel gay walking him around.....

27 August 2006

Shanty Town

I haven't forgot about you silly earthlings......I'm on a hiatus trying to sort out the best way to solve some of the world's problems and my work is best when I'm alone, eating beef jerky, watching old reruns of "Welcome Back Kotter", with Horse-shack screeching at Freddy. Totally off topic but man, HDTV will ruin the movie experience because a lot of people got some bad skin, I'm talking that "Pro-Active", Jessica Simpson "Chin-Herpe type skin complex.

So I'm reading the Washington Post and this article about the housing situation within the DC metro region in regards to price and people not being able to afford million dollar 400 sq foot efficiencies. The article talks about how people are spending like half their income on interest only mortgages, just barely making ends meet, given that your supposed to only spend 30 percent of post-tax salary on housing. The gist of the article: that people aren't investing or saving dollars and this only fuels the division between the rich and poor.

But I decided to put a list together and offer advice on how to manage the housing situation and live fly and flawless like me.

1. Storage Units-- No need to piss your money over to the landlord, so that he can ignore your requests to have the killa cockroaches that ate your dog terminated. Just find you a good, climate controlled storage unit and pay the 45 bucks a month to live in it. Sure you won't have a bathroom or control over lighting but that's what flashlights and thermos are for in the first place. Plus you'll have 24 security and you can't beat that with all the terrorists trying to kill us because they hate our freedom.

2. Pimping-- DC is a ultra conservative city with a ton of people holding back pent up frustration. Plus this is a region that hates being faithful, so why not take advantage of that and fill a need??? That frustration has to be released and dealt with at some point. So why not get a few "Associates" and start contracting out girls/guys to supplement your income and get money working for you tax free, instead of you always working for it. The average pimp/ho contract stipulates at least 90 percent of revenues to Big Daddy Don and 10 percent for "Sheila". You just can't beat that type gross margins.

3 Cocaine/Meth-- People are sleeping on drug dealing big time within D.C. Its like the only city in America where people refuse to give it a chance. But I figure the best way to make easy money is to go into business with a reputable MexiCali drug cartels and secure some distribution rights. All the potential crack-heads lying in wait within D.C.'s ivory borders, could be a huge bonanza for early entrants. If the citizens of D.C.are like me and f-ing miserable all the time, well then theirs just a gold mine waiting for people looking to get away from their pathetic existence...

4. Child-Less Polygamy-- Think John Smith wasn't on to something out there in the deserts of Utah??? Fuck Yeah....Find you like a plural of women and just get married, with everybody working and living under one roof, basically a group house but not a place you cohabited in your 20's. Oh no, this is much better than that concept, this arrangement is basically forever. Plus, now that the abortion pill is gonna hit the local pharmacy shelves, you have no reason to give up sex and you can be lustful as rabbits without all the costs and guilt raising those little expensive bastards.

5. Shanty--One thing I admire about 3rd world countries is that they don't hide poverty. They put that shit right out in front of you for everybody to see. So why should we hide our increased cost of existing from the politicians that we elect who obviously don't give a fuck about anything unless its a raise for fellow members salaries. Lets just build shanty's all over the mall and on the steps of the Capitol and let people know that we don't have a problem with being exploited by greedy developers,banks, and municipalities who whore off the property taxes for political gain.......Yeah and we totally stand for it.

6. Gastric Bypass-- Man I love D.C. like the next man but if I got to decide whether to eat substainable nutrition or pay the utility bills, I'm gonna have to pass and go with the utility bills. Seriousily there is absolutely, positively, no reason for people to have stomachs. Thats a over-valued organ that provides zero benefits other than the occasional rumblings and large scale vomit production. Thats an additional 300 bucks a month that people could pocket and put to other good uses like lights inside the basement............

20 August 2006

What You Know About That??????



24 July 2006


I came out of retirement for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22 June 2006

Out of Order

Sorry, my life is currently experiencing some technical difficulties. Will return right after the break. Here's a "Cheer me upper" ..for me....Tell me what you think....If your just perusing through feel free to say Hi as well, its all one love here in O-facesterville..

16 June 2006

The Wire

Dam I was reading this article about a cop in Baltimore, who was sentenced to 315 years in prison Thats like 5 lifetimes of the average american or 5 generations to put it so succinctly. That means when this guy gets out of jail either the morlocks will have enslaved man kind and what we considered Baltimore today, should be nothing more than a pile of rock and silt or he will be the first human being to sucessfully have transformed his entire intestinal tract into one soap slope.

But what makes this case so dam interesting is the fact that he worked undercover as a narcotics officer, shaking down the mean streets of "Charm City" to get product off the market or so we thought. Turns out all those movies and tv shows about renegade cops like "Training Day", "The Shield", or my favortie "LA Confidential" were based on real life cops who got amnesiatic about who they were supposed to protect and serve. Take a read and tell me if that doesn't send chills down the spine .

I'm guessing he really thought King Kong ain't got sh** on him............

Friday Links:
Pickle--Video and Photo sharing site. You can add features to your blog or website

--Dating site. No one should be alone in the summertime.

Smutvibes--This site is pure comedy.........Hours of joy and freaks galore...enjoy

Dr Fosters--- If you got pets this is the ONLY SITE that matters on the entire web....I love this site....Ponds, Lizards, Dogs, Cats, Birds, Hissing Cockroaches---you name it.

Swarm--This site is cool. Check it out....

--Geo locator through your wireless connection and laptop. This is great for keeping track of your kids or your girlfriend that broke up with you and doesn't understand your all or nothing stalking devotion to her. Very useful in foreign cities if your trying to find a nice restaurant or crack house.......