Women Lottery

So I'm at lunch with my buddy "whore", discussing women, our shitty jobs, and plans for the weekend. Somehow we got on the subject of X-Men 2 and Kelly Hu. Whore thought Kelly was unattractive, mild looking at best. I screamed at him, claiming that he didn't know shit about women, because Kelly Hu is like a 10 on a scale of 1-5.

So being that were men, we went on and mindlessly *if that's a word* debated our top women in the world that we adore. If these women were too ever lower there financial and success standards too a subzero level, this group would be the ones that I would pursue. But being that I'm just another regular hard working American, the chances are about zero, that I'll be in their presence anytime soon. I thought I would share with you my selection, because its my understanding that the list has been intercepted by NSA. I thought it be better, that I get a jump on this before it gets to the press.


Portia De Rossi-------- Blond Goddess from Australia. Fell in love with you on Ally McBeal. Must of been the fact you were the only one that could hold a Big Mac and not vomit. Too bad that you don't dig guys *allegedly*. I would so worship the ground you stand on.


Bridgette Monayhan- Some how you were brainwashed into making 'I Robot' with Will Smith. But I still forgive you, only because your beautiful. Tom Brady is a lucky bastard. The only solace in this selection is that I don't have to see you on the sidelines anymore this season, because boytoy's team lost.


Monica Belluci-Italian Goddess. Even as you approach your 40's, you still have it. That's just some plain ol natural beauty. You made me cry 15 years ago when I first saw you in Dracula. You were forced at gunpoint to participate in the matrix episodes part 2 and 3, but alls forgiven. I just wish you could come to America and train your long lost distant Italian female relatives in New Jersey.



Aishwarya Rai- Because your so dam fine. You make me feel like I'm 16 again reading a sports illustrated swimsuit magazine for the first time. Plus, Indians get no love or recognition in the United States. If I didn't live in D.C., I wouldn't know that community even existed. Because of you I've made Mumbai a must see before I perish.


Jackie Guerrido-- Because you forced me to learn Spanish for a second time, so I could understand what your saying when your doing the weather. Without you, I would never wake up in time to be at work. Thank you Jackie for your hotness.


Kelly Hu--- just f-ing because.


Beyonce--Because you made me wanna pay my bills on time. Well that's what you said I needed to do if I wanted to date you. But you have a rear that's next to god-li-ness. Plus for two years you made me feel like a drug addict inside a pharmacy when you had all the women of the world doing your padonk- a -donk dance.