Industry Secret

I work for a big ol' greasy company that manufacturers beverages. This company is VERY big and well known throughout the country. But they use some questionable best practice techniques. People that I've met around the country get all excited when I tell them what I do for a living. If they only knew what I know, they wouldn't have the same feelings. So I've decided to educate the public and teach you earthlings, things in the industry that you should be aware of, such as:


1st Rule----------- Wash your frickin package off and drink with a straw. Why you ask? Because the products are stored in gigantic warehouses, that are home to dirty animals. Animals such as rats, cockroaches, flies, and dirty earthlings who spit or don't cover their mouths when working over the goods that you people buy everyday and consume. These animals also leave crap and from what i've seen on National Geographic, are not very particular about where they leave it....If you get my drift. Bottoms up!!!